Have you ever instantly been drawn to a person? You met them and you immediately knew you wanted to get to know them better. Maybe it was their smile, their sea-blue eyes, or their carefree demeanour that drew you in. Whatever it was – something about them had you hooked and now it’s next to impossible for you to let go.
This seems to be a common occurrence in my love-life. Maybe I just like to romanticize things, maybe it’s all in my head, maybe I am just too hellbent on finding the kind of love we see in 80’s rom-coms. Whatever the reason is, I am constantly finding myself in “almost relationships“.
The pattern is always the same: at first, it seems close to perfect, but it never plays out like I imagine it will. A few blissful months of butterflies, and firsts (dates, touches, kisses, etc) then it ends as abruptly as it began.
Then he’s stuck in my head, I try to get him out but it’s easier said than done. I know he’s not good for me, I deserve more than an “almost” boyfriend. But no matter how logical I am about it, I can never help myself from letting my mind wander. Memories and “what ifs” creep into my head and stay there. I secretly hope to see his name pop up on my phone screen. My friends try to distract me, but I’m too distracted by him.
I have many thoughts when he comes to mind: questions, hypotheticals and more. All of these thoughts have one thing in common: they’re all unfinished. Maybe because I feel like we are unfinished.
That’s the thing about “almost” relationships they’ll never feel finished. There is no definitive end because they never really began. I’m always left with the same final (naively) hopeful thought: I don’t know how we will end, but I hope it’s not like this.
Feature image via @quinnrockliff