That’s right everyone your favourite milkbag has made it to the big leagues, my presence has been requested by the single and starving ladies to shed some (much needed) light on the guys side of things. That’s right I’m giving you an inside look into the slightly warped, sometimes inappropriate, always fascinating male brain.
Today’s lesson: the three different types of guys who go shopping with girls (and why).
Male shopping participants, or “purse holders” as they’re commonly called, can be separated into the following three main categories:
1. The guy best friend
This guy genuinely cares – he wants you to look good as much as you do. You value his opinion because he has no ulterior motives to accompanying you on your shopping endeavours. He will tell you the honest truth about the clothes that make you look fat – appreciate his existence.
2. The ‘friend-zoned’ guy
This guy got dragged along because he’s incapable of saying no to the pretty girl he’s trying to get with. This is the ideal person to bring shopping with you if you’re looking for a confidence booster. He will tell you you look good in anything (while simultaneously picturing you naked) . This type of shopping companion can be most easily be defined as the guy holding your bag(s) and/or purse.
3. The boyfriend
This rare creature’s sole purpose in life while shopping with his girlfriend is one thing… to find a seat. He has been dragged around for hours when all he wanted to do was go in, check out foot locker and maybe EB games then go home. Ladies remember this equation when shopping with your boyfriend:
the degenerative rate of an uninterested male’s tolerance increases exponentially as his legs and back get tired from walking around for hours on end.
Once a place to sit down has been located the boyfriend may be a helpful shopping companion – but chances are we won’t be (unless you happen to be shopping for lingerie) because most times we would rather be anywhere else. Seriously don’t bring us unless you’re looking for entertainment in the form of mockery or maybe a free lunch if we’re feeling generous. But not my lunch. You take from my plate I bite your finger. Sorry not sorry.
Stay tuned for more lessons from the ‘bro’ble including but not limited to:
- What he’s doing when he isn’t answering his phone
- Why no, you can’t come when he’s going out with the boy
– Courtesy of everyones favourite Milkbag
Feature image via flickr