Alright, it’s time the truth gets out there.
Girls tear their hair out trying to figure out why we don’t answer their texts. I mean come on, they’re funny, nice, sweet, perfect in every way, and smell nice (not to mention they let us do things to them that there’s just no way they enjoy as much as we think they do).
So why don’t we answer? Prepare yourselves ladies because you won’t like the answer. It’s because we’re hooking up with another girl.
That’s right, the most insane (-ly rational) thoughts running through your head are now confirmed. Yes, that girl we held the door open for at the mall found us, made a bed in the back room and she’s rewarding us for our polite behaviour. Absolutely, irrevocably, cross my weiner and hope to be flacid, 100% of the time, that is what’s happening.
Yup, when the lady isn’t around we pretty much live the dream. I’ll tell you one thing, we DEFINITELY aren’t playing video games…like not 100% of the time….or anything…
There is a 0% chance we’re deeply mysterious creatures who just like to have some me time now and then. Soaking in the bath with a nice bath bomb (bombs = explosions = manly = bath bombs are the manliest way of self-cleaning there is) a Nicholas Sparks novel and feeling feelings we haven’t feeled since Bradgelina broke up.
Pssshh, no way we fell asleep on the couch during the 6th loop of the highlights of the night on sportsnet because we just got sick of putting in the effort of watching Ken Reid try to wheel Evanka Osmack and fail miserably (you have people you ship, we have ours).
Honestly, the real reason we aren’t answering (among those very realistic ones listed above) might just be because we straight up don’t feel like talking. That simple.
So ladies (try) to trust the guy, if he’s talking to you it’s for a reason. Whether that reason is just to try to sleep with you or because he actually likes you (that’s for you to figure out) but he wouldn’t jeopardize either of those things by doing something stupid. Unless, of course, he’s a f*ckboi, in which case you’re better off without him anyways.
There. Finally, after reading through all the nonsense I give some actual advice. Surprised? I am, I’m not even sure what I’m talking about anymore.
But hey, that’s the life of everyone’s favourite MilkBag.
Feature image via @barney_stinson_official