Oscars fashion through the eyes of an average dresser

As I was watching the red carpet arrivals during the 2017 Oscars, I had a lot of thoughts. Mostly consisting of things like:

"Wow, what a beautiful couple"

"THAT DRESS THOUGH"

"That must've taken a lot of double-sided tape"

"I wonder if she's wearing spanx... I would need spanx for that."

"Jackie Chan literally does not age"

"Is Dev Patel single?"

And so on.

Here’s a list of dresses I DIED over last night and the subsequent commentary I thought in my brain. And a little out loud. I was talking to myself. It’s fine.

Alicia Vikander

This dress reminds me of the red dress salsa dancer emoji and that alone would make me instantly obsess over this dress. Also, it might just be Alicia. Who is she? Where is she from? An angel from heaven perhaps? I’m in love.

 

Hailee Steinfeld

IS SHE A DISNEY PRINCESS? NO? COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. I am not a floral person. Unless it’s on a cute piece of stationary or an actual bouquet of flowers – I want no part in it. But this, this is a vision. This is another story. This… breathtaking. (I am dramatic, it’s alright)

 

Taraji P. Henson

SLAY ME. Can we talk about this for a second? TARAJIIII, GIRL, DAMN. I think this is my favourite dress. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE DRESS, BYE.

 

Emma Roberts

Well call me Chanel #7 because this dress is everything and I would like to own it please. Serious note, Emma is supporting recycled dresses and wearing this vintage dress because really who needs a new dress when there are so many beautiful old ones out there?! You go girl.

 

Ruth Negga 

I don’t like red and I don’t like the whole cover-me-up-entirely thing but Ruth may have converted me. Real talk: If I wore this I would look like a fire hydrant. 

 

Karlie Kloss

Okay, what are you doing here? Aren’t you a model? I don’t understand why you are here but this dress and choker may have me forgiving you. Okay fine – you’re forgiven, Karlie.

 

Nicole Kidman

Nicole is the epitome of elegance and class. Like a porcelain doll wearing a gold chandelier. I love it and I love her. The end.

 

Naomie Harris

I am completely obsessed with Naomie Harris. if Naomie Harris wore a paper bag I’d probably put her on this list. If Naomie Harris covered herself in ketchup and walked down the carpet, I’d put her on here (and I HATE ketchup).

 

Viola Davis

I saw a tweet that completely summed up this entire picture in a few simple words.

"VIOLA DAVIS INVENTED RED"

And I’ll just leave it at that.

XOXO,