Dating

Why looking for closure doesn’t always mean you’ll find it

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The majority of us have had relationships or almost relationships that didn’t work out. When something ends out of the blue it’s easy to get caught up wondering why things happened the way that they did.

Breakups come with heartbreaks and heartbreaks can seem impossible to get over. We get trapped asking ourselves over and over again rhetorical questions that will likely never get answered. Trust me I know first hand how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that someone was not on the same page as you. Even when everything seemed to be going great. I think the most common advice a lot of us get in these types of situations is to look for a chance to get some ‘closure’.  

Some people believe  confronting their ex is the best way to get over someone and to put their minds at rest. As tempting as this is, I don’t think that’s a good idea. When we seek closure we give ourselves false hope, believing that a simple heart to heart will resolve a heartbreak.

When we constantly think about the questions we want to ask the other person, we involuntarily think up of their responses. When you stop and really think about it, if you do confront your ex, how likely is it that you’re going to hear exactly what you imagined? 

The issue with getting closure is what we want to hear, and what we’re going to hear are two very different things. This fact is a hard pill to swallow. In addition to this, sometimes people just can’t put their emotions into words and will never be able to provide you with concrete answers to your questions. We all feel things that we can’t explain at times and no one can force us to change our minds about the situation. That’s the problem with closure; we use it as an excuse to try to change the other person’s mind. 

The other person might be just as confused as you are about the whole situation. It’s difficult to be completely honest with someone, knowing that what you say might bring that person pain and this makes getting closure next to impossible. You might think you are getting closure when in reality it is just the last glimmer of (false) hope before you inevitably force yourself to move on and accept the situation for what it is.

As much as we all want to get closure from someone we felt a connection with, it might not always be the best option in order to move on. Letting go always takes time and patience. It’s important to understand that there is no quick fix and everyone comes to terms with things in their own way and on their own time. 

-XOXO 15942217_10210258328608292_914576181_n

 

Feature image via @hannahzervos 

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